The Dreaded "D" Word

Disappointment comes in all shapes and sizes. It stings when it comes from someone important to you and it's very disheartening when your expectations are reduced to that. 

But, as some say, "it is what it is." 

However, we still have to deal with it one way or another. It's all a part of life as we know it. 

Because there are two sides to every emotion it can be hard to objectively view them both at the same time. 

I remember very vividly an event when I was a teen. I let an unlicensed driver operate my car. Of course we got pulled over and the officer just happened to know my parents. He gave me a choice to take the punishment he had to offer, which may have involved a large ticket and possibly even an arrest, or to go home and tell my dad and let him decide the punishment. Option B had an expiration date of 24hrs. While I knew the arrest wasn't likely I really didn't want a ticket so I chose option B. 

I was terrified to tell my dad. I knew he'd yell, I knew I'd be grounded and could most definitely kiss my car goodbye.  It took me a long time to build up the courage to tell him, but when I did he was quiet for a really long time. Finally, when he spoke he only said a few things. His first words were, "I'm just so disappointed. I trusted you." He never yelled. He never got angry and lashed out or asked for my keys. He just told me to go home and we would discuss a punishment later. The sting of those words is something I will never forget. Those words alone were more punishment than anything. It took me a long time to get over that. 

Getting past the blow of disappointment is much like the 5 stages of grieving. You eventually need to end at acceptance so you can set it aside and truly be done with it.  I know when he looks back, my dad still feels that disappointment, but he doesn't hold it against me. I gained back his trust and raised his expectations. 

For the one(s) doing the disappointing, this is a challenge best overcome with patience, building trust, and humility.  

For the one(s) being disappointed, this hardship is best overcome with patience, giving trust, and mercy. 

Either way, much easier said than done. 

When it involves someone you care about, it's worth the time and effort involved to mend that bond. 

It's something I still struggle with from time to time-on both sides, but I'm getting better.

 I've learned nothing of value comes easy, quick, or without sacrifice. 

People Pleasing 101

The first thing to remember when pleasing others is that you, as a being, are completely unimportant. Your wants, your needs, and your desires are all second rate to those around you.
Here's a few helpful hints to encourage a healthy understanding of How To Be A People Pleaser.

It's Not You, It's Definitely Me
Those around you are more important, more entitled, and most of all, more deserving.  It's hard to imagine putting yourself last-dead last-but it's the only way to gain praise from others.  You're one job is to make sure they are happy...in every way.  And because they expect this behavior, they're more likely to underrate your efforts.  You must then present yourself in a manner where they are right and you are wrong.

The Task At Hand
Work is best accomplished by keeping your eye on the prize and your work ethic in line.  -Meaning, do what they ask of you...and then some.  Always make sure to go the extra mile, but only at your expense-not theirs.  And strive to meet as many unreasonable expectations as they may have.  You never know when they'll ask more of you based on your performance.

When In Doubt, Say Yes
We all understand the constraints of one's tasks.  Whether they're for business or pleasure, they require a lot of time and a lot of effort.  So make sure, as the people pleaser, you leave no load for others.  Put yourself and your own tasks on the back burner.  Even if they pile up, it's not like they're important.  Right?

WAIT.......WHAT?????

Did that all just sound completely ridiculous to you?  Yea, it was kind of the point.  But, we are all guilty of  it.  Both sides of it.  Each and every one of us are seeking out people to please, and expecting others to meet our needs for us.  It's part of the life cycle.
As people we are built with the need to seek feedback and praise.  We do things to bring joy to others, lighten loads, and help improve lives.  It's our nature.  It's what we were made to do.  But when this cycle is broken there's always someone who's sowing more than they will ever reap.

For some, we need to learn to be more selfish.  We need to understand that, by neglecting ourselves, we cannot truly help others.  When we wear ourselves so thin that there is almost nothing left, we become no good to anyone-especially Numero Uno.  Now, that doesn't mean you can't help others.  We actually become better people by helping those around us.  It just means that sometimes, it's ok to say "No."

For others, you need to learn to take on your own responsibilities.  Buck up, and get the job done-for yourself.  You will never truly be able to appreciate things unless you put forth the effort.  That doesn't mean that you can't ask for help.  It just means you need to take responsibility and try to work things out on your own first.

All in all, there's something here for everyone to learn.  Life wouldn't be worth living if there was no one to live it for.  As we care for others, we know they will care for us in return.

With that said, who do you aim to please?

Making A Living & A Life

One of life's big unanswered questions...

How do I make a living while still trying to make a life?

I don't know that anyone has the answer to that one.  But I do have a suggestion.
What if instead of trying to "make a living," you work on "living the life you've been making?"

I worked a job for nearly 5 years where I spent all of my time at the job, and then the frustrations of the job were so taxing that I couldn't leave them at work. Thus, work became home and home never felt nice.  But, to pay the bills and "live," I had to continue to work.  I asked myself, "Why am I working so hard just to make a paycheck and in the end still feeling miserable?"

Simple answer...It wasn't what I wanted.

For some, their job may be perfect.  It may suit their needs and challenge them enough to feel fulfilled.  For me, it was the opposite.  It didn't help me meet my goals.  It didn't help me become a better person.  It didn't give me the freedom to still be Mom.  I was so exhausted, mentally and physically, that at the end of the day all I wanted was to see and spend time with my family, but I didn't have the energy for it.   I struggled with that.  Just about the only thing I could manage to do was pay the bills, yet somehow still, I always felt financially strapped.

Finally, I found my "calling" and pursued it.  Once my company got going I again asked myself, "Is it possible to make a living while still trying to make a life?"

For those non-entrepenuers out there, starting your own business isn't cheap.  It isn't a "get-rich-quick" scenario either.  It is a long road of blood, sweat, and tears.  And it doesn't come without deep sacrifice.  So once I became established and started, once again, "making a living" I was reminded of a quote I thoroughly reflect on.

Seth Godin once wrote, "Are you obsessed, or just making a living?"

Now, from a professional stand point I ask myself this and believe that I am truly obsessed with my profession.  It's not just a job for me.  It's a way of life.  It's a gospel I preach to my clients, my friends, and my family.  I understand that not everyone has the means to just pick up and start over, but ask yourself, "What can be changed to make my life more livable?"  Physically being there just isn't enough.  How can you change and improve?  If you don't love what you do, does that reflect outside of work?  Your attitude, your demeanor, your patience-those all become compromised no matter how hard you try.

Now, from a personal stand point I view this much differently.   So, for me, by becoming "truly obsessed" with my profession-becoming the best I can and then bettering myself-I go home to a loving family where I can reciprocate positive feelings and behaviors, because I feel good about myself and I what I do as an individual and professional.
I can earn a paycheck and still have the freedom to be there on Halloween for my kid's class party.  I may not have $100k in the bank, but I don't stress about the little things anymore, and the bills always get paid.  I can leave work at work.  I can slow down and enjoy the life I have and stop taking it for granted.  I can take time for myself and still make time for others.  I may not be able to take long and elaborate vacations whenever I want to, but when I go home after work I can spend long and devoted hours to my family.  And I'm happy to be doing it.

I may not be rich, but I'm making my life...and I'm living it too. 

Why I Run...

Imagine this...

 As the sun beats down upon your skin, it's warm rays pierce through the layers and cause a sheen of perspiration to rise to the surface. You look both ways, then cross the street.  The next song in your earbuds boasts a beat so spectacular you immediately pick up the pace.  Pumping your legs, your arms, your lungs-left, then right, left, then right. You push as your mind races. Pounding the pavement with your feet, you burst forward with speed and agility.  The days stresses, concerns, and frustrations bubble so close to the surface you, for an instant, fear they may burst out.  You take a quick, sharp breath and push them back down, forcing them to submit and reduce to a mere thought. As if in conjunction, your feet push harder and you propel forward, faster.  Every muscle in your legs burn and scream out at you with vengeance, "IT HURTS SO BAD!"  You push further more, your heart beating so hard and so fast it may escape your chest at any moment.  Still, you push. The burning in your lungs, your arms, your head; it carries you. You no longer feel the breeze, the sweat, the terrain changes. Your music is reduced to nothing, but white noise. All you feel is emotion-so full, so overpowering. Yet again, you push. 

Then suddenly, it's as if you've opened your eyes for the first time.  You see the world around you.  The grass, the pavement, the trees. This is when you slow, allow yourself to catch your breath. Your body nearly collapses with fatigue, but you fight just to lift your feet enough to move forward. Almost simultaneously, you turn and push-going back the way you came to do it all over again. 

I'm not perfect, in fact I'm far from it, but I understand my limits. And I always push them further.  When life gets too stressing, too difficult, too frustrating, or just too hard, I run.  In many ways it clears my mind, reduces my stress and helps me work through difficult problems. I even sleep better when I've ran that day. 

Running is MY therapy. 

It's amazing the level of "calm" you can achieve with a hard run.  "They" say pushing your limits and running is mostly mental.  I believe "them." However, when I've had a trying day, running becomes all mental.  I'm not a big fan of running long distances, but with 30-60min I can usually run hard and fast enough to work out whatever problem is eating at me.  

When I get home, I'm exhausted, physically.  Emotionally, I'm rested.  I may not have solved the problem, but I'm able to view it from more angles and tackle it with a mind more clear than before.  

So while running is not my favorite exercise, it's my favorite therapy.  It's my time to check out from reality and take my problems from bad to better. 

When Life Hands You Lemons.....

The responsibilities of a mom are endless.  We wash things, we clean things, we cook things, we kiss booboo's, we arrange play dates, we clean up after play dates, we care for the family.  (I could go on and on, but you get the picture.)
I speak for myself-and quite a few more-when I say "some days I hate this job."  Now I want to be direct and point out that I do NOT hate my family or my life.  I love my husband and my son very much.  I even love our pets quite a bit as well.  But there are days where I'm tired (that's most days), I'm mentally tapped out, I've far surpassed any level of patience that I had, and I haven't done a single thing for myself-including shower.
It's hard to wake up in the morning knowing you're doing a job of endless duties with no monetary pay and, most days, no gratitude from those around you.  So I've decided to list out the things about being a mom that I hate.

*I HATE that the laundry is literally NEVER done.  (I've considered converting to being a nudist just to avoid washing another article of clothing.)
*I HATE that there will ALWAYS be dirty dishes. (Maybe I should invent disposable cookware???)
*I HATE that I will never again have 5 whole minutes to pee by myself, let alone in my own bathroom.
*I HATE that I'm responsible for everyone and everything....always!
And last, but most definitely not least:
*I HATE that my husband is also the person who sees all of my worst sides, remembers all of my embarrassing moments, and at times is THE most difficult person in the world!

It's a short list, but it's one most people can sympathize with. However, at the end of the day when I'm begging for a shower, exhausted, tired of saying "no", and hoping to just sit down in silence...I'm ALWAYS thankful for everything around me.

So now that I've whined about being a mom, here are the things I love about it.

*I LOVE that my child's favorite shirt will be special enough one day that right now I'll gladly wash it, just to preserve it.
*I LOVE that when we do dishes as a family, we grow closer-not always cleaner, but closer.
*I LOVE that no matter where and no matter what, I will NEVER truly be alone-not even when I try to go pee.
*I LOVE that I have something so amazing to not only be responsible for, but proud of.
*I LOVE that for as much as my family drives me crazy, they are my driving force for getting out of bed and doing it all, day after day.
And last, but most definitely NEVER least:
*I LOVE that my best friend stands by me, helps me, frustrates me, supports me, and still claims me after all of this time.

So yes, being a mom REALLY, REALLY sucks some days.  But I wouldn't trade that job for any other in the world.  And yes mom, I respect you, love you, and pity you for doing all of that for me for so long.

So when life hands you lemons......grab a seat, hold on tight, and brace yourself.  It's not gonna be pretty, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Who's My Ideal Client?

First off, a short history for those of you who don't already know.  June 2013 I started a massage business-Competitive Massage & Bodywork.  For the first few months it lingered, then improved and in November I hit my record month making quite a bit.  Then the holidays happened.  Most "service" industries see a slight financial dive during "the season of giving."  Big deal.  I moved on.  But things have only slightly improved.  Now while I love what I do, I also take care of my son when I'm not working.  One job is hard, yet rewarding.  The other is hard, and continually gets harder-this would be work.  However, I love it.
So as a new way of "Marketing" my business to gain more clients, I've brought on a crew of hardbacks to help me gain ideas.  My fave, and always a great re-reader "The Purple Cow"  by Seth Godin.  In it I found a very interesting part that left me thinking.  It states, "Your ads (and products) should cater to the customers you'd choose if you could choose your customers."  When I was in school I had an instructor who took us through a very specific activity.   The idea of it was to figure out what type of massage/what type of clients you ultimately wanted to work with.  I was good at school-I'm not gonna lie about that one. And my attitude was nothing short of cocky, especially that day.  He explained that we had 5 minutes to describe our "perfect" client.  I made a short, yet accurate list of the following: athlete, age 18-35, college student, weekend warrior or pro.  I thought that narrowed it down immensely. The next part of the activity was to "break it down further."  In my opinion that was as "far down" as it got for me and I could leave right then and there feeling accomplished.  That's when things got hard.  Because I was so cocky that day he spent the next hour relentlessly grilling me on: "what kind of athlete?" "why that age range?" "how are college students going to pay for massage?" and my favorite "what makes you think your massage is better than the one down the road?"  Now this was the during the last few semesters of my schooling.  This was also my favorite instructor.  At the end of the activity I loathed him, the course, and even myself a bit. I don't even remember anyone else's answers.  I felt like I hadn't learned anything from it and it was a waste of time.  It even discouraged me.  Fast forward to about 1 1/2yrs later when I again read about "catering to the customer you'd choose if you could choose your customers."
I now contract with BSU working on - college athletes between the ages of 18 - 23 who's aim is to go pro.
So to my instructor, who pounded wisdom into my brain for over an hour that had previously left me, for lack of a better word, pissed...I have my answer final answer.

My ideal client - college athlete, 18-23yrs, with old or new injuries, or hoping to prevent injuries.  My way of "marketing" to these athletes-I will spend my efforts, not my money, on working closely with the coaches, ATC's, and GA's to show them how to improve their athletes, via massage. The college will pay for it because they want their athletes to be the best, and that includes my help.
 And as far as why I'm better than the "massage place" down the road?  I am persistent, knowledgable,  and I'M COCKY, but I understand when to be cocky and when to be professional. I not only give them what they want, but I make sure we both win in the process. This gives me the advantage-essentially making the competition "invisible."
As far as marketing outside of BSU, I target the "weekend warrior."  Those of you who run marathons, hike with your friends and family, bicycle through the city, and care about your body.  You are most definitely the minority, but you're my ideal client.